End Times Are Here!
Now you can eat whatever you want and not care if you gain weight
The president has announced that Earth is going to collide with a rogue moon, and in the process, our entire planet is going to be smashed to bits.
As one would expect, upon hearing this news, humans blew a gasket. It was as if every sports team in the world lost their championship games at the exact same time. No car was left unrolled—no appliance was safe from looting—but oddly enough, Taco Bell remained open and made unfathomable profits in the last days. Apparently, Doritos Locos Tacos were a popular last meal.
Autumn (who for the purposes of this retelling asked to be portrayed as drool-inducing hot with kickass ninja skills) has just been handed the task of saving all of humanity. With the help of her unbelievably sexy alien boyfriend, and her vomit-inducing kleptomaniac friend, Autumn races to save her fellow humans by using the Ark of the Covenant.
When you read this book, you will come to hate Post-it notes, Jerry Bruckheimer films, girls named Gwen with pixie cuts that work at Panera, bunny poop, and possibly Costco gas. Oh, and you will be craving all kinds of food, so don’t read it on an empty stomach. No seriously…there is a lot of food-related talk in this book.
If you love the show Ancient Aliens, crave a little sexy time in your reading, and want to learn just where the Ark of the Covenant is stored, then this book is for you.